I have been in a relationship for almost a year now...or maybe it's a few months...? If I go off of the first go around, it'll be a year in May. If I go off of the second go, it's only 5 months. 5 months doesn't sound right, so I'm going to go ahead and make the executive decision and say our anniversary is just around the corner. We were still kinda seeing each other when we were "on a break" and things were complicated and hard... but I knew at the time I was in love with him and once he finally took his head out of his (ahem)...
Any way, I am a divorced woman dating a recently divorced man. Both of us have dealt with the pain and heartbreak of adultery and a severely broken home, so it's no surprise we are both hurting, stubborn and trying to figure this whole thing out as we go.
To set the stage, I have some major issues. I can be very needy, stubborn, high maintenance and a little crazy. I'm a woman. I can also give WAY too much of myself and put everyone's needs before my own. It goes well for a little bit, because I like this part of myself, but then after a bit I start to feel resentful because NO ONE can match the level at which I give and meet my expectations. Expectations....such a dirty word. I once heard a quote that said, "In a relationship, you should have two boxes. In the first box, you place all your HOPES. In the second, you place all your EXPECTATIONS. The trick to a successful and happy relationship is to keep the HOPES out of the EXPECTATION box". Hmmm...wise words and in my experience, super hard to follow. My hopes for my relationship and what I get in return seem to wiggle there way into the expectation box and I always seem to feel that I am not getting what I want.Let me say this. I am completely in love with a great man. He is kind, hilarious, smart, a really hard fucking worker and a fantastic father. He is crazy good looking with the brightest blue eyes I have ever seen, a smile that can turn me on instantaneously and a wit and charm that makes my knees weak. He is a hilarious story teller, a handy man (always handy to have one of those) and he can rewire, rebuild, recreate and reconnect ANYTHING! I never have to worry about anything going broke or falling apart at our place because he is fixing it or making it better constantly. He is a devoted father and an excellent step father to my kiddos. He tries very hard and takes the time to be better if things aren't working out with them and he tells them he loves them all of the time.
Now, as with all relationships, there are the down sides. I won't let this blog become a bashing session, because I love and respect him too much to do that to him. What I want to accomplish with this is documenting the changes I make to the things I do or how I react to the things bothering me about him and seeing if there are some real positive changes.
Just this morning, I texted my guy to tell him that I was sad he left without saying goodbye. I love nothing more than to have a kiss and an "I love you babe" before he drives on down the road to work. This morning.... nothing. My alarm didn't go off this morning throwing things for a slight loop (I was still awake but not wanting to get out of bed, duh...it's Tuesday! Who wants to get up out of bed on a Tuesday?) and he was kind of pushing for me to get out of bed. Dude, don't you see I'm purposely trying NOT to be responsible or quick to shower!? I say something adorably smug and he comes back with "I'm tired of us always arguing!" That made me stop and think in the shower that yeah...we do kind of argue a lot. We don't throw down and have fights or get into a real arguments that leave me crying or calling my girlfriends tooooooo often, but we do have little snippets on the regular. In his response, he came back with something like, "I'm tired of your constantly getting mad at me for dumb little stuff..." Hmmm.... well shit. I have two choices: A. Fight back with an "Oh yeah, well it takes two you son of a bitch to make a relationship work and you argue with me and blah blah blah... all while pointing a finger at him and turning the blame around....OR 2. I could write him and tell him I'm sorry, I love you and I'll work on it. I took the latter and have really stepped back to think how I can make this work.
Relationships fucking suck sometimes! Relationships are a lot of work, take a lot of consideration and trials and a lot of moments where I have to think, is this really worth it? Do I run away and try and find someone to fill the void I know this breakup will create...? or do I stop being a little bitch, put the other shoe on and see myself through his eyes? I think right now, I will try to work this out. I love this man and I know the fight is worth it. He brings more to the table that is good than bad and no relationship is perfect. So, now that I know with all of my heart that I will FIGHT, how do I keep him from FLIGHT? A wise person once told me (I totally forgot who, so I'm going to make this sound like an old ancient proverb... Just go with it) that the key to a happy and successful marriage (or relationship) is to make sure you both don't fall out of love at the same time. If one of you is willing to make it work, and there will be times when one or both of you just wants to give up, then there is still hope. It's over if both fall out of love at the same time. I know I love this man, and although I kinda want to shove my dirty sock down his throat from time to time... wait? What? I will do my part to become a better person, friend, lover, and all around kick ass girlfriend and step mom to his gorgeous daughters.
Now, what is the point of all this you ask? I am going to do (gulp), the Love Dare on my boyfriend and document every days ups, downs and hopeful positive results. I looked around for all kinds of "30 day love challenges" and most of them were all about posting your pictures on instragram and I'm not really into all that. I don't have a showy relationship and I dont think my guy would go for it. I want this to be a "secret", so I will be starting Day One today. The Love Dare is a Christian based 40 day love challenge that makes you stop and think about the other person, pray for them and love them above yourself. Ok....I definitely see this as a challenge and will do what I can to make some positive changes in my relationship.
Day 1: Love is patient Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. —Ephesians 4:2
TODAY’S DARE The first part of this dare is fairly simple. Although love is communicated in a number of ways, our words often reflect the condition of our heart. For the next day, resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all. If the temptation arises, choose not to say anything. It’s better to hold your tongue than to say something you’ll regret
Alright ladies and gentlemen, here we go. I resolve to not say ANYTHING negative or to have any "little dumb arguments" for the next day... I can do anything for a day, right!? Pssh, I got this ;)
No comments:
Post a Comment